


let you settle down

by BUTTERFlELDS



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 10:01:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18798106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BUTTERFlELDS/pseuds/BUTTERFlELDS
Summary: When Matteo is partnered with David for his history assignment, he isn’t exactly upset. David is probably the smartest person in the class, as far as Matteo is concerned, so he isn’t upset, because he’s guaranteed to get a good grade and lift his mark.





	let you settle down

**Author's Note:**

> Ok please ignore the title I literally couldn't think of one so its a part of a line from i'm a cuckoo by belle and sebastian because it's my favourite song and I listened to it a lot while writing this. I'll try and get part two out soon.

When Matteo is partnered with David for his history assignment, he isn’t exactly upset.

David is probably the smartest person in the class, as far as Matteo is concerned. He always has his hand up first, is the first to hand in drafts, and is definitely their teachers favourite student. Matteo, on the other hand, is not the smartest person in the class. He tries, he does, he just doesn’t get history. He doesn’t know how to put the words in the right order when writing essays, he isn’t able to remember specific details or dates. 

So Matteo isn’t upset, because he’s been partnered with the strongest student in the class, he’s guaranteed to get a good grade and lift his mark. 

As for how David feels, he’s not so sure. 

Matteo watches David as he walks towards his desk and sits down next to him after they’ve been partnered together and huffs. He turns to Matteo and looks him up and down. “So,” he starts, “what event do you want to do”

Matteo clears his throat. “Um… I don’t really mind. You’re the history guy, right? You can choose.” 

David visibly relaxes after this, he purses his lips, thinking, and says, “How about the great fire of Rome? I don’t know that much about it.” 

Matteo nods, agreeing, and David begins to write down what they should include in the powerpoint presentation they have to create. Matteo lets David sort it out, he figures he’ll just do his part a couple of days before its due, as he usually does, it’ll be fine, nothing to worry about. 

“Here’s my number,” David says, writing it on a piece of paper and handing it to Matteo. He points at the list he’s created, “you’ll do these parts and i’ll do the rest. You can send me stuff you’ve written and i’ll tell you if I think you should add more. We have two weeks to do this, I think we should have it done and ready at least three days before it’s due.” 

Their teacher dismisses the class and David waits to get confirmation from Matteo in the form of a nod before leaving. Matteo lays his head down on the desk and exhales. He grabs the list David left on the table and shoves his phone number in his pocket, following after the rest of the class to go and get lunch. 

—

Matteo can hear his parents fighting before he’s entered his house. His stomach lurches, but he doesn’t allow himself to panic yet. It’s probably fine, he tells himself, they fight all the time.

His hand flies towards the door and he takes a deep breath before entering, closing the door loud enough so his parents know he’s home. They stop yelling for a moment, and when Matteo walks into the kitchen he sees his mum crying, and his father's face is red. Matteo knows how this goes, it happens often enough. His father is threatening to leave, to go back to Italy, and his mother is begging him to stay. 

Matteo wonders why his mother bothers.

He sees the suitcase at his father’s feet when he walks further into the kitchen and pauses, his stomach dropping. He should have seen this coming, they’ve been fighting worse than usual for weeks. Matteo had ran out of tears days ago, having spent too much time curled up in his room, waiting for the yelling to stop, but when he saw the suitcase he could feel them coming again.

He looked up his father in the eyes, pleading, and as his father broke eye contact Matteo’s tears began to fall. He looked at his father with disgust and shook his head, left the kitchen, and made his way to his room. He threw his phone at the wall when he entered, leaving it face down on the floor as he bites his nails, running the other hand through his hair.

Grabbing a change of clothes he finds on the floor of his room, Matteo leaves his house and rides his bike to Jonas’. He knocks on the door, and it takes a moment for anyone to answer. Matteo isn’t even sure if Jonas is home, and he doesn’t have his phone to ask. He’s thinking about leaving just as the door opens, and Jonas’ confused is replaced by panic when he sees Matteos. 

Jonas lets him in immediately, and doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask what happened until they’ve moved to his room. 

Matteo wipes his eyes, “He’s leaving. For real, he had a suitcase packed, he didn’t say anything to me. He doesn’t care.” Jonas hugs him then, and Matteo lets go, allows himself to be vulnerable, and breaks down into Jonas’ arms.

Jonas tries to cheer him up, doing stupid dances and impressions of characters Matteo loves, but Matteo can’t find it in himself to simile. He feels like everything is closing in on him, and he just want to be numb, to not feel anything at all. He asks Jonas if he has any weed, and Matteo is able to feel numb after smoking. He feels better, for the moment.

They fall asleep an hour later while watching vines on Jonas’ bed. Jonas is still holding Matteo, and Matteo can’t help but realise that this is something he’s wanted for ages, but his mind is too clouded with rage for his father to enjoy it, he looks at the finished joint on Jonas’ bedside table as he falls asleep. 

—

Matteo doesn’t go to school the next two days. When he gets back to his own house, his father has left, and his mother has thrown all of his stuff into boxes that Matteo assumes will be shipped to him. 

His mother seems worse than ever now, and Matteo can’t blame her. She’s hasn’t left her bed in the two days that Matteo stayed home, she didn’t eat anything either. When Matteo asks through his mother's door if she needs anything, any food or water, he recieves no answer, he’s not sure what to do. Matteo has never been good enough at taking care of himself, let alone his mother. 

He goes to school the next day, and he’s pretty sure he looks like death. 

He’s on his way to math class when he hears his name being called across the hallway. He stops, turns round, and sees David walking towards him. 

“I’ve been trying to call you for the past three days, dude. Where have you been? Have you done any of the assignment? I was hoping to have it done by friday so I could put it all together on the powerpoint.” He seems rushed, like he’s got somewhere he really needs to be. 

Matteo shrugs, “I haven’t done any of it,” he says, hoping David can see how tired he is. 

David doesn’t see this, though. Rather, he just looks disappointed. Matteo almost feels bad about it. 

“You haven’t done any? At all? Not even research?” He sounds like he knew this was going to happen, Matteo almost wants to ask him if he did. He just shakes his head no, looking behind David. He doesn't want to make eye contact, doesn’t think he can.

“You know that this is a partnered assignment right? Like as in more than one person is meant to do it? Do your part, Matteo. I can't do it for you.” David leaves Matteo standing in the hallway as he makes his way to his class. 

Matteo inhales slowly. he knows David is right, that he’ll have to complete his part of the assignment soon, and with enough effort to meet David’s standards, he just doesn’t think he can bring himself to do it.

— 

The friday that David is expecting the assignment to be done, Matteo is on the phone with Hanna’s friend Mia. He had gotten his phone fixed the day prior, using his father's money that was left in Matteo’s room. He figures it’s his father’s shitty attempt at an apology. He can’t handle being alone with his mother anymore, and Hanna told him that Mia is moving out and so her flatmates are looking for someone new to move in. Matteo figures his father will pay his rent, as it’s the least he can do after leaving him and his mother, so he texts him asking for money and nothing more. 

He still hasn’t made any attempt to do his history assignment, he figures he’ll just bake David an apology cake or something, he can’t imagine he’ll fail school as a whole if he doesn’t do one assignment. So he doesn’t bother attempt to do it, but rather focuses on moving out, despite how guilty he feels over leaving his mother.

The tuesday that the actual presentation is due, Matteo has officially moved into the flatshare, and does not show up to school. He’s sure David will get through the presentation just fine, and he figures David wouldn’t lose marks because Matteo didn’t do his part, right? He supposes it doesn’t matter, he can’t do much about it now.

On wednesday an angry David storms over to Matteo at lunch, confronting him in front of his friends. 

“Are you stupid? Or do you just not care about school that much? You know I could have lost marks because of you, right?” He’s angry, rightfully so, and Matteo is embarrassed that he’s doing this in front of his friends. Carlos looks between them, clearly confused, then looks to Jonas for an explanation. He doesn’t know either. 

Matteo tries to make up an excuse, “I just didn’t have time, sorry.”

“You just don’t have time to complete an actual assignment? For a mark that goes towards your final grade? Sure, Matteo. It doesn’t matter, anyway. I did your part, asshole, and covered for you with the presentation. We got a 92.” David doesn’t wait for Matteo to say anything before he storms away, and Matteo sees Leonie waiting for him. 

He turns back to his friends, and shrugs, “didn’t do my part of the assignment,” he explains, and tries not to think about the fact that David covered for him.

— 

Matteo has been at the flatshare for two weeks when he first sees Hans bring a boy home. It startles him, not because he didn’t know Hans was gay, because he did, but rather because he was just so open about it. 

Matteo knows he likes boys, knows he likes Jonas, but he’s kind of come to terms with it. Not that he’d ever be comfortable enough to tell his parents, or his friends, no matter how much he’d like to. He thinks he wants to tell someone, though. 

He’s in the kitchen with Linn when Hans brings the boy home, and Linn catches him staring. He looks at her and smiles, and she purses her lips. 

“It’s something you get used to.” she states, quietly, and Matteo nods. 

He hasn’t spoken to Linn as much as he’s spoken to Hans since he’s been here, but he likes her, she’s cool. He thinks he’d like them to be friends. 

Matteo watches Linn as she boils the water to make pasta. “You guys have a lot of pride stuff hung up here, it’s nice.” 

“It doesn’t bother you?” she asks.

“No, did you think that it would?” Matteo responds, he wonders why they would have let him move in if they thought he was homophobic. 

“Didn’t think so,” she says, and Matteo thinks it sounds almost accusatory. He goes still.

“It doesn’t bother me, i’m gay too.” he says, slowly, and Linn smiles. 

“Me too.” 

Matteo smiles at that and continues, “but i’m not like, gay gay, like Hans is. Not in a way where everyone is going to notice it right away, you know?” Linn stops smiling at that.

“Is that such a bad thing?” she asks.

“Well, no, but it’s just not me.”

“Hans is just trying to be himself, he’s gone through a lot to get where he is.” she states.

“I know, and that works for him, it’s just not how I am.” Matteo says, he reckons he should stop talking, but his mouth keeps going. “I don’t want to just suddenly have to go to pride and wear rainbow shirts and legging because I like boys, I just want to be the same as who I am now.” he says.

Linn sits down at the stool across from Matteo, “Matteo, you can still be who you are now and go to pride and celebrate with others like you. Those people like Hans, who allow themselves to be seen and go to pride, they fought for their rights to get to where they are. That requires courage, because people are still being discriminated against for being gay. Yet these people still fight to be who they are, because they are brave, and strong. You don’t get to put yourself above others who have fought to get this far. Matteo, it’s not fair to them.” 

Matteo looks down at the table, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Linn cuts him off.

“Come to pride with Hans and I next weekend and i’ll forgive you,” she says, and she seems like she knows she’ll get what she wants. 

Matteo nods, slowly, “ok.”

Linn smiles softly, and goes back to making the pasta. 

— 

David hasn’t acknowledged Matteo’s existence at school since he presented their assignment two weeks ago. Matteo doesn’t really mind, considering he’d never really thought much of David before the assignment, at least not beyond the fact that he’s `the broody boy who wears all black and headphones all the time. But that was before the assignment, and now there’s a constant thought in the back of Matteo’s mind that he needed to apologise to David properly. 

But he hasn’t, and he won’t. So he doesn’t let it bother him. 

Matteo pushes himself to get through the week. He’s so tired, and he misses his mum, but he feels too guilty so he can’t bring himself to call her. He thinks about his dad, and wonders what he’s doing in Italy, and then he scolds himself for thinking about his father. He knows he shouldn’t. 

It’s friday and Matteo has still had no contact with David, not that he ever really saw him often beforehand anyway. Only in history class, but now David is sitting as far away from Matteo as possible, and refusing to make eye contact as Matteo enters the classroom. Matteo gets it, though. He’s not going to try and push for acquaintanceship if David doesn’t want to. So he stops thinking about him. 

On saturday morning Linn wakes Matteo up with the promise of bacon and eggs. As Matteo enters the kitchen, Hans is eating his own breakfast as Linn is serving up a plate for Matteo. 

“I hear you’re joining us at pride today,” Hans exclaims, and Matteo can’t believe he forgot. 

“Hah, yeah I am,” Matteo says, thanking Linn for the food as she slides the plate toward him. 

“And will you be wearing a rainbow shirt and tights?” Hans says, in an almost accusatory voice, and Matteo realised that Linn must have told him about their conversation. 

“I’m sorry… I really didn’t mean anything bad by what I said,” Matteo pleads, and Hans nods. 

“Well hopefully you’ll be able to see how far us Gay gays have come, and you’ll change your mind. You should probably shower, and i’m giving you a shirt to wear. You don’t get to argue.” Hans says, and Matteo nods. 

When Matteo has finished showering after breakfast, he sees the shirt Hans has left for him hanging on the door in the bathroom. Its rainbow, Matteo figures he deserves that, and it says love is love on it. Matteo puts it on and smiles at himself in the mirror, and grabs a jacket from his room before meeting Linn and Hans in the living room. 

Linn is wearing a jumper with the lesbian flag colours, and she looks so proud. Hans is wearing leggings and makes a point of showing them off to Matteo before they all leave and Matteo laughs.

They have a 20 minute bus ride before they actually get to the pride festival, but when they get there Matteo is in awe. He can honestly say he’s never seen anything like this, and as Linn grabs his arm as they get off the bus and walk towards the people, Matteo smiles at the people around him. 

It’s overwhelming, at first, but he allows himself to fall into the crowd, to feel at home for a moment. Matteo is dancing with Linn and a group of people who he doesn’t know when he thinks he sees Leonie. She has the lesbian flag painted on both her cheeks and a gleaming smile on her face. Matteo isn’t friends with her, but he has sees her around school and has never seen her as happy as she is right now. It makes him smile more, because even though Leonie is out at school he figures she can’t be exactly who she wants to be there, because there’s no way of knowing how people at school feel about gay people, but when she’s at pride, she can let go. Matteo turns to look back at Linn and smiles.

Matteo wishes he could feel like this all the time. 

But his stomach drops as soon as he turns back around to look at Leonie once again, because he makes direct eye contact with David. He has a pink, yellow and blue stripe on his cheek, and Matteo recognises this as the pansexual flag. 

Matteo notices the worried look on David’s face, and thinks he’s probably wearing a similar one. He sees Leonie look at David, confused at why he’s stopped, and then she’s looking at him too. Matteo notices that david is holding a small flag with pink, blue and white stripes, but he doesn’t know what it means. He looks back up at David, and notices David move the arm holding the flag behind his back. He doesn’t let himself think about it anymore, because he turns to Linn and tells her he’s leaving, and then he does.

When Matteo gets back to the flatshare, he’s breathing heavily. He didn’t want anyone at school knowing, especially not David, because David hates him and could easily tell everyone Matteo is gay to get back at him for not doing the assignment. 

He pushes the thoughts down, and drinks some water. If David isn’t straight, then he probably knows that being outed is a terrible thing, so he wouldn’t do that to Matteo, right? But Matteo doesn’t know him well enough to be sure. 

He goes to his room and changes out of Hans’ shirt, and lays down on his bed. He remembers David’s flag, and so he grabs his phone and looks up the colours: blue, pink, white, pink, blue. Transgender. Matteo knows the word from watching youtube videos, but he really doesn’t know all that much about it, so he watches some more videos. He wonders if that’s what David is afraid of. 

As Matteo falls asleep, he lets himself think about what it would be like to come out, to have people know. He remembers that when Leonie came out at school people didn’t really mind. He thinks about telling Jonas, but the thought terrifies him so he stop thinking, he stops thinking and wills himself to fall asleep.

—

Matteo stands in front of his locker and struggles to get it open. He has this problem every day, but refuses to ask for a new locker for no reason other than the fact that he can’t be bothered. He manages to force the door open, sighing as he shoves the books he doesn’t need for the rest of the day back into it. A figure is approaching him, and Matteo doesn’t have time to prepare himself for a conversation with whoever it is before he’s looking up and meeting David’s eyes. 

“Hey,” David says. Matteo turns back to his locker and closes it before looking back to David. 

“Hi,” he replies, and Matteo knows he’s here to talk about the fact that they saw each other at pride, but he really doesn’t want to have this conversation right now, especially not with David, so he just says “I won’t tell anyone,” and begins to walk away. 

“Matteo, stop.” David says as he grabs Matteo’s arm, “Just, promise you won’t. I know you saw the flag. I’m not ready to have people know yet.” He looks worried, and Matteo can’t help but feel the same. 

“Me neither, dude. I’m not going to out you, I promise. As long as you don’t out me.” He says, and he can see the moment where David realises that he was right in thinking Matteo was there because he too is gay, and not just his flatmate. 

“Why would I out you? Do you think that’s something i’d do?” David asks, and he seems offended. 

Matteo shrugs, “I don’t know, dude, you hate me, and now have something you can use to get back at me for not doing the assignment. It makes sense.”

David shakes his head, “Matteo, you’re a dick, and maybe I do hate you, but i’m not going to out you. It’s a horrible thing to do.”

“Ok, thanks. I won’t out you either.” Matteo watches David relax at the words.

David nods, “I’ll make sure to let Leonie know not to tell anyone either.” He says, and Matteo knows that even though Leonie is out, she probably doesn’t want Matteo talking about her. 

“Thank you, David.” Matteo says, and he thinks that’s the first time he’s ever thought of David as anything but the annoying smart guy. He thinks he wants to get to know this version of David, the one who seems so unsure of himself now, but who was so happy confident when he had been at pride with Leonie, with the pansexual flag painted on his cheek and the small trans flag waving about in his hands. 

He doesn’t want people to know. Matteo understands this. He doesn’t want anyone to know about himself either, but at the same time he wants everyone to know so he doesn’t have to come out to people, to Jonas. 

Matteo thinks of Jonas as he walks away from his locker and from David. He thinks of how his stomach felt when he woke up in his arms after his father left, he remembers how he felt when he almost ran his fingers through Jonas’ hair while sleeping next to him after a party, he thinks of how quickly that feeling changed when he saw the phone number scribbled on his arm in sharpie. He’s stupid to think Jonas would ever like him in that way, and he’s stupid to think he’ll ever be able to come out to him, he just can’t bare to face that rejection. 

—

Mia moves back into the flatshare about a month after Matteo moves in. Her plans didn't work out, but she doesn't talk about it. 

There’s a party at Matteo’s house that night to celebrate her return and he really isn’t in the mood for it. He tries to be, though, and hangs with Carlos, Abdi, and Jonas in the kitchen while they drink and talk loudly over the music. Matteo isn’t drinking, he has been in a weird mood since he spoke to David earlier in the day and he thinks maybe he’ll see him at the party, he’s been to one at his house before. He’s not sure what he’s expecting to happen, though. He thinks maybe they can become friends, although he’s not sure whether or not he really wants that. He’s never wanted it before? So why would he want it now, besides, he’s best friends with Leonie so it’s not like Matteo could really become friends with him if he tried, she hates him. 

He sees Kiki come over to where the four of them are standing as he opens the fridge to find a soft drink. She smiles at Matteo before pulling Carlos away from the group and towards the living room.

“Do you think Sam is here?” Abdi asks, standing up properly from where he had been leaning on the bench and looking through the crowd of people in the house to see her. 

“Probably, I mean Kiki is here so I assume the girls are too.” Jonas replies, and Matteo can tell that he’s trying not to care whether or not Hanna is here, it makes his chest feel weird. 

Abdi nods, announces he’s going to find her and then proceeds to follow in Carlos and Kiki’s direction. It’s just Jonas and Matteo now, and Matteo thinks it hasn’t been just them for a long time. 

He turns to Jonas. “Not going to go find Hanna?” He asks, immediately regretting it when he sees Jonas’ face fall slightly. 

“Nah, I’m pretty much over her now, but I don’t think I want to see her here in case i’m not.” Jonas answers quietly, and Matteo realises how unhappy Jonas seems without her. He thinks he wants to find Jonas a girl to date. “You going to talk to anyone tonight?” Jonas asks, and Matteo shakes his head. 

“I’m not really feeling it tonight, I might just go smoke in my room.” Matteo answers, placing his glass in the sink after he finishes the last bit of his lemonade. Jonas nods, looking into his bottle. 

“Fair enough,” he says, grabbing a new beer, “I’ll go find the boys then.” He says, and Matteo almost wants to ask him to stay but he doesn’t, he just watches his back as he leaves to find Carlos and Abdi.

Matteo weaves his way through the people in his flat, making way for the bathroom. He closes the door and leans back against it, taking a deep breath. He turns the sink on and waits a moment for the date to turn warm before splashing his face. He’s not really sure what he’s feeling, he’s not really sure if he feels anything. He doesn’t dwell on the thought as he leave the bathroom and makes his way to his room, pulling the key out of his pocket to unlock the door.

After looking through some hiding spots in his room, Matteo has found his weed and has rolled a joint. He lays on his bed and smokes it, his headphones are on and are drawing out the noise from outside. He feels calm, and glad that he is feeling anything at all. It feels like an hour has passed when his door opens. 

“Oh, sorry I thought this was the bathroom,” someone says. Matteo opens his eyes and sees David standing in his doorway, a confused expression on his face and his arms by his side. “Are you okay?” he asks. 

Matteo takes his headphones off, his joint finished and thrown onto the table next to his bed. He sits up and rubs his eyes. “Yeah, um, the bathroom is on the right,” he says, and David nods. Matteo waits for him to leave, but David holds his eye contact before stepping further into the room and closing the door behind him. 

“Um, I just wanted to say thanks, again, for not telling anyone.” David says, and Matteo isn’t sure if David really thought his room was the bathroom. He just nods, and gestures for David to sit down on his bed. He does. 

“Is Leonie the only one that knows about you?” Matteo asks, he’s not sure if he should’ve asked that, but he wasn’t sure what else to say. 

“Here, yes. Leonie is my best friend, and I know she’s not going to tell anyone, it made me feel good to be able to tell someone and i’m really glad it was her.” David says, looking at Matteo’s bedsheets in an attempt to avoid eye contact. 

“I’m sorry I found out, I know I’m probably not someone you would have liked to know.” David nods. 

“I’m sorry I found out about you too, I’m sure I’m not someone you were ever planning to tell.” David says.

“I wasn’t ever planning to tell anyone.” Except Jonas, Matteo thinks, and David can tell he really means it. “Except my flatmates, I guess, I was only at pride because I upset them so they made me go with them.” 

“You looked like you were having fun, though.” David says. Matteo nods, he really was having a good time, but he’d also been terrified.

“You seemed to be having a good time too,” and David says he was. He says he felt alive. Matteo wants to feel like that. 

“How did you know you liked boys?” David asks, and Matteo almost tells him how he feels about Jonas, but he can’t bring himself to. 

“I… My friend, I, I like him more than I should.” David nods, and Matteo thinks he already knows, and his mouth is moving before he can finish thinking and he says “Jonas,” telling him anyway. He doesn’t know why. 

Matteo bites his fingernails as David nods, “are you ever going to tell him you’re gay?” He asks, and Matteo panics at the thought, he can feel his heart beating too fast in his throat. He shakes his head. 

“I don’t think I can, I… I can’t handle the possibility of him hating me. I just want him to already know, without me having to tell him. It would be so much easier.” Matteo lets out a breathe, he’s never spoken about this to anyone, not even Hans knows about his crush on Jonas, just that he has a crush on someone, someone who’s a boy. 

“I get that, but I don’t think he could ever hate you. Your friends love you, I don’t think any of them could ever hate you, Matteo. But you don’t owe it to anyone to come out to them, you don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to.” David looks at Matteo, who looks so vulnerable, so hidden. He continues. 

“I didn’t know for sure that you were gay when I saw you at pride, I thought maybe you were just there supporting your flatmates. I only knew for sure when you said that you weren’t ready for people to know. Sometimes people can find out and think they know, but they’ll never know for sure unless you tell them. That’s in your power, Matteo, and it’ll be the same for everyone else who thinks they’ve figured it out.” Matteo looks as though he might cry, and David kind of wants to hug him, but he doesn’t think they’re at that point yet. 

“You okay?” He settles for. Matteo looks up at him, his teary eyes finding Davids.

“I never wanted this. I don’t… I hate keeping this a secret, so much, but I just can’t let people know.” 

“And that’s okay, Matteo. You don’t have to. Not until you’re ready.” Matteo nods. He thinks he wants to fall asleep. 

“I’m going to go and get you some water.” David announces, standing up from Matteo’s bed and leaving the room. Matteo exhales, his heart is beating too fast and he just feels so scared, but he thinks that David really means what he’s said, and he is thankful for that. He smiles softly as he reaches for his laptop, and David reenters the room with two glasses of water. He hands one to Matteo. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Matteo asks. The music from outside his room has softened, he thinks the party may be coming to an end. David considers his offer, and finally nods. 

“What movie?” David asks as he takes his shoes off and joins Matteo on the bed. Matteo shrugs. 

“What’s your favourite?” Matteo asks, placing his glass of water on his bedside table. 

“Only Lovers Left Alive” David says, looking at Matteo. Matteo turns to look at him. 

“I haven’t heard of it. We can watch that.” Matteo says. He’s too close to David, and he swears he sees David look at his lips before turning away. 

He nods. “Okay.” 

Matteo finds the movie online, and leans back against the wall as he presses play and places the laptop on top of his and David’s legs. He feels relief, like he’s talked about something he’s never been able to talk about before, and he has. He thinks that maybe he and David will become friends. He smiles at the thought, and David’s shoulder brushes Matteo’s as he leans back against the wall next to him.

—

Its 1am when the movie finishes, and the music coming from outside Matteo’s door has stopped. Matteo yawns, standing up from the bed to stretch, David does the same. 

“You hungry?” Matteo asks, and David nods. They walk into the kitchen to find the leftover mess from the party. Matteo sighs and picks up a few cups on his way to the stove, placing them in the bin. He notices David do the same. 

“Is pasta good?” Matteo asks, already getting the pots he needs out from the cupboard. David nods. Matteo sees Mia sleeping on the couch and notes that he should make enough for his flatmates to have when they wake up. He puts the water on to boil as he cuts onions for the sauce, and then moves to clean up the kitchen more, he figures his flatmates can clean the rest of the house when they wake up. 

They talk softly until the pasta is ready, Matteo makes himself and David both a bowl, and makes three bows for his flatmates and puts them in the fridge. 

“This is really good.” David says. They’re sitting across from each other at the table, and Matteo smiles at the remark. “Seriously, you’re a great cook.”

Matteo thinks he might be blushing. “It’s just pasta, anyone can make pasta.”

David laughs, “I’ll have you know that I’m quite literally the worst cook on Earth, I don’t think I can make pasta.” Matteo laughs too.

“I’ll teach you someday,” he says, and he realises that they’re probably not at that stage yet and starts to panic, but he sees the smile on David's face and calms down. 

“That would be fun, I can’t promise I’ll be any good though.” He laughs again, and Matteo smiles into his bowl. He thinks David’s smile is beautiful, he thinks he wants to see it again. He doesn’t let himself think about what that means. 

“I should probably head home soon.” David says, and Matteo realises in that moment that its almost 2am, and that he’s spent pretty much the entire night with David.

“It’s really late, you could just stay here? You can take my bed and I’ll take Mia’s, seeing as she’s already passed out on the couch.” Matteo says, mostly because he doesn’t want David to go home alone at 2am, but also because he doesn’t really want him to go. 

“Are you sure?” David asks, and Matteo just nods and places his bowl in the sink. David does the same. Matteo yawns as they walk back to his room and he grabs some pyjama pants that had been tossed on the floor, and grabs a clean pair for David. 

“Thanks for the stuff you said about coming out, I think I might try and tell Jonas soon. I want him to know.” Matteo says, lingering in the doorway. 

David nods, “No problem. Just remember not to force yourself to do it, you’ll know if there's a right moment. And thanks for letting me stay.”  
“Goodnight, David” Matteo says.

“Goodnight, Matteo.” David responds, and Matteo shuts the door behind him as he walks towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. He doesn’t realise he’s smiling until he sees himself in the mirror. 

He watches Mia on the couch for a moment before he moves towards her room, and he finds himself thinking more of David than of Jonas as he falls asleep.

— 

When Matteo wakes up in the afternoon David is gone. He’s not sure if he’s upset about it, if he would have liked to say goodbye to David before he’d left. Matteo guesses it’s his fault for sleeping in too late. He enters the kitchen and makes himself a sandwich, and notices that his housemates ate the pasta he made them, he smiles. 

“Who was the boy in your bed last night?” He turns around and sees Mia on the couch, looking surprisingly well put together for someone who drank so much the night before. Matteo shrugged. 

“Friend from school.” He answers. Friend. He wonders if that’s what they are. He realises that she must have seen him asleep in her bed and gone to check his own. “I slept in your bed, sorry for not asking.” Mia smiles. 

“That’s alright, I don’t think I would have made it there anyway.” She laughs, Matteo laughing with her. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket and checks it. 

Jonas: Hey dude, wanna hang today?

Matteo smiles softly, texting back a quick reply, yeah sure, Mario Kart at mine? Mia looks at him with an amused smile, he clears his throat. 

“Who are you texting?” Mia asks, Matteo puts his phone back in his pocket and shrugs. 

“Jonas, he’s gonna come over to play Mario Kart.” 

Mia nods, “want me to get out of here then?” she asks. 

Matteo shrugs, “doesn’t really matter.” Jonas has been at Matteo’s enough to know his flatmates, and Mia and Hanna are friends too, so he knows her well enough. Mia nods. She looks as though she wants to say something else, but she just stands up and ruffles Matteo’s hair and walks to her room. 

Matteo sits on the couch and runs his hands through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. Jonas arrives twenty minutes later, and Matteo has Mario Kart set up and two beers set aside for him and Jonas. 

“So did you hook up with anyone last night?” Matteo asks as Jonas grabs a controller and sits down next to him. He doesn’t really want to know, but he thinks its something he should ask. 

“Nah, wasn’t really feeling it. Next time, I guess.” He answers, and Matteo wants to ask him if he’s over Hanna yet, but he knows that he probably shouldn’t. 

“You’ll find someone soon,” he settles on, opening a beer. 

“Forget about me, dude, we need to find you someone!” Jonas exclaims, and Matteo shakes his head. “What about that girl from your math class? Sofia? She’s cute.” Matteo feels himself sink into the couch, and places his beer on the table. He should tell him. 

They begin a new round of Mario Kart, Jonas having won the last one. Matteo takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I’m gonna date anyone anytime soon, dude.” 

“How come? I mean, you may be a disaster but that's your charm! You’ll find some girl who loves it. The boys and I will help.” Jonas sounds so sure, and Matteo doesn’t think he’s ever been this nervous in his life. 

“I don’t want to date any girl.” Matteo says quietly, and Jonas turns to look at him and sees how nervous Matteo looks, he must guess this is serious because he pauses the game just as he crosses the finish line. Matteo’s lost the game, and he thinks he might be about to lose his best friend too. 

“Ok, a boy then?” Jonas asks. 

Matteo doesn’t breathe as he nods, slowly. He doesn’t look at Jonas. 

“I’m sure your disaster charm extends to boys, too. We can help you find a cute one.” Jonas says, bumping shoulders with Matteo, and Matteo smiles.

“Alright,” he nods. “Do you want to order a pizza?” 

“Yeah man.” Jonas replies, and Matteo grabs his laptop and orders one. His heart beat has settled now, and he thinks he feels more comfortable than he ever has been. He thinks he likes the feeling of coming out, and thinks he’d like to tell Carlos and Abdi too. 

They settle on watching a movie when the pizza arrives, and Matteo places his legs over Jonas’ on the couch as they watch it. He tries not to think about how much he’d like to run his hands through Jonas’ hair, how much he’d like to be cuddled up right next to him right now. He wonders what would happen if he let Jonas set him up with some boy, would he be able to get over Jonas? He knows he needs to, knows he’ll never be with Jonas in the way that he wants. He lets the thoughts take over his mind as they watch the film.

—

At school on Monday, Matteo is the one to talk to David. 

“I came out to Jonas.” He says, with a proud smile on his face as he stops by David at his locker. 

David closes his locker and leans against it, smiling. “That’s awesome, Matteo. Did it go well?” he asks. 

Matteo nods, “yeah, I think so. He didn’t make a big deal out of it, and I didn’t have to force myself to say it, so it was good.” David smiles at that. 

“I’m really happy for you, have you thought about telling your other friends?” he asks. 

“Yes, actually, and I was hoping you’d help me, actually. I’m thinking of making a cake.” Matteo responds, and David raises his eyebrows.

“A cake? Alright.”

“Are you free after school today? I’m going to play ping pong with the boys later this afternoon, so I was gonna make a cake to take there.” Matteo realised he probably could have asked Jonas to help but he finds himself thinking he’d rather David helped. 

David nods, agreeing, “yeah i’ll help. Should we meet here after class?” he asks, and Matteo nods. 

“Yeah, we’ll have to take the bus to the grocery store to get ingredients first.” 

“Sounds good,” David responds, and they smile at each other.

“Well, yeah, i’ll meet you here after class. See you,” David says. 

“Bye,” Matteo responds and they leave for class.

When school ends, Matteo arrives at David’s locker three minutes before David. David smiles at Matteo as he walks towards him, and he puts some books in his locker before they go. 

They grab a shopping cart when they arrive at the store, and they make their way through the aisles. “So, what kind of cake are we making?” David asks as they make their way to the cake aisle. 

“I was thinking just a vanilla one, but we make the icing really gay.” Matteo says, and David laughs. 

“Sounds good,” he smiles at Matteo as he says it, and Matteo stomach flutters. He turns to the shelves, quickly, breaking eye contact. 

“So do you think you’ll ever tell Jonas that you like him,” David asks, grabbing a bag of flour off the shelf. Matteo shakes his head.

“Not now, maybe in like... three years when I have a boyfriend and it’s not weird to tell him, you know?” he shrugs. 

“You think it’s going to take three years for you to get a boyfriend?” David asks, and his eyes flick down Matteo’s body, Matteo refuses to believe he’s checking him out. 

He shrugs again, turning away from David to grab some food colouring and put it in their cart. “Probably.”

David nods, slowly, “I think you could probably get one before then,” he responds. Matteo shrugs, and gets the final ingredients they need for the cake. 

“What about you, then? Do you think you’ll be dating anyone in the next three years?” Matteo asks, and he thinks it was maybe a stupid question to asks when he sees David thinking about it.

“I would like to think so,” he replies, looking at Matteo. He can feel himself blushes under David’s gaze, so he just nods and turns away. 

They get to Matteo’s house not ten minutes later, and begin to bake the cake. Matteo preheats the oven as David lays out all the ingredients and gets a mixing bowl from the cupboard. 

“So where do we start?” David asks. 

Matteo thinks for a moment, “I’ll do the dry ingredients, you do the wet ones? It’ll make it quicker so we can start on the icing.” he proposes, and David nods in agreement and they both begin their tasks. 

When they’ve finished the cake batter and ave out the cake in the oven, David reaches across and holds Matteo’s face in his hands. Matteo freezes. David runs his thumb over Matteo’s cheek twice, and smiles. “You had some flour there.” He says, and Matteo exhales, smiling. He watches David smirk as he feels himself blushing, and he turns away from him again. 

“We… We should get started on the icing.” Matteo mutters, and David nods in agreement. 

Matteo grabs the icing sugar, butter, and food colouring they need for the icing and they make a large bowl and separate it into 8 parts, mixing different colours in. David breaks the silence.

“How come you don’t live with your parents?” 

Matteo swallows, he figures he owes David an explanation as to why he didn’t do the history assignment, even though David doesn’t seem mad about it anymore. He had really only told Jonas about his family problems, but he decided he would like to tell David. David watches him, and Matteo exhales a shaky breath.

“I’ve only been living without them for a month, um… My parents fought a lot, and I guess my dad finally went through with his plans and left my mum and I and moved to Italy, and I couldn’t handle living alone with my mother. So I moved here, because Mia moved out, but then she moved back in. They haven’t asked me to leave yet, though, so I figure i’m still good here for now.” Matteo says, quiety. He can feel David’s eyes on him. He continues. 

“That’s… That’s why I didn’t do any of that history assignment. My dad left and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, i’m sorry about that.” He finishes, turning to look at David.

David nods, slowly, meeting Matteo’s eyes. “I’m sorry too. If I had known something like that was happening, I wouldn’t have yelled at you about it.” Matteo shrugs. 

“I deserved it.” 

“Maybe.”

Matteo mixes the blue food colouring into a bowl of icing. “How come you covered for me? You could have easily made sure I didn’t pass.” Matteo asks. He’s not sure if he wants to know the answer, really, but it’s been occupying his mind for weeks now. David mixes the green icing. 

“I didn’t want you to fail, I guess, even though you did nothing. I figured there had to be a reason, that you wouldn’t have just not done it because you were lazy. I was right.” He answers. 

“Thanks.” Matteo answers. David shrugs.

“No problem.” They continue making the different coloured icings as the cake finishes, and they let it rest for a moment before beginning the icing process. 

Matteo does not have a methodical way of going about most things. David, however, does. Matteo learns this after David scolds him for pouring all the white icing on the cake with no hesitation. Matteo thinks he likes David’s way of doing things as he watches him slowly draw a rainbow on the cake, using sandwich bags as makeshift icing pipers. 

So Matteo steps back and let’s David make the rainbow, because it’s going to look better than anything he creates, and David’s tongue is sticking out of his mouth slightly and Matteo thinks it’s cute. He smiles at the thought. 

When David finishes the rainbow, Matteo takes the black writing and writes ‘i’m gay!’ underneath it. He smiles at the finished cake, and he sees David smiling too. 

“Thank you for helping,” Matteo starts, “I promise i’ll save you a piece.” David smiles, thanking him. 

“I hope it all goes well.” David says as he begins to leave, Matteo stops him at the door. 

“I know you hated me because of the history assignment, and i’m really sorry about that, but do you still hate me?” He asks, looking at the floor. David chuckles, and puts out his hand. 

“Friends?” he asks. 

Matteo shakes his hand, “friends,” he agrees.

Matteo leaves his flat ten minutes after David does with his cake in his hands. It’s not a long walk to where they’re meeting, but it’s long enough for Matteo to gather his thoughts. He takes a deep breath and covers the lid of the cake box with a tea towel so they can’t see it when he walks in. 

“Ayo Matteo!” Carlos yells as he walks in, Matteo yells back a greeting and places the cake down on a nearby table. Abdi asks what the box is as he places it down. 

“A surprise for later,” he answers, looking at Jonas who nods at him. 

They play for an hour before Abdi asks if Matteo is going to show them what’s in the box.

“Ok, so I have something to tell you,” Matteo says as he brings the cake over to the table they’re surrounding. “I figured a cake would be easier than a speech.” 

Carlos nods, and he looks excited at the prospect of cake, Abdi does too. Matteo feels his nervousness ease a little as Jonas smiles at him, and he tells Carlos to take off the towel. Matteo watches their faces as they read the cake, and when both look up at him and smile, he smiles too. 

They sit on the floor beside the ping pong table and eat the cake as the boys talk about setting Matteo up with someone. He wonders why it’s so important to his friends that he dates someone, but he realises they’re probably just trying to show support so he nods along to the conversation. 

When Matteo makes sure to set aside two pieces for David, Carlos asks who they’re for. When Matteo answers “David,” he doesn’t realise he’s smiling until Jonas pokes his cheek, asking who David is.

Matteo turns to Jonas, “David? From school? He helped me make it.” He thinks Jonas must not pay attention to anyone at school beyond his friends, it makes Matteo laugh. 

“David who you were supposed to do that assignment with a while back and then he yelled at you when you didn’t?” Carlos asks, and Matteo nods. 

“We’re friends now.” 

“And he helped you make the cake? So he knew before us then?” Abdi asks, and Matteo realises that that might make them feel bad. 

“He found out accidentally, and we became friends after he found out, so it’s not like I told him, but i’m glad he knows.” Matteo responds, and the boys nod. Jonas is looking at Matteo and smiling like he knows something. Matteo raises his eyebrows at him.

“Do you like him?” Jonas asks, grinning like a child. Matteo rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling too, so are Abdi and Carlos.

“No, I don’t like him,” he answers as they tease him. Although Matteo’s not sure if that’s the truth. He doesn’t think about it.

He puts Davids pieces of cake in a container when he gets back to the flat, and makes a label that says ‘do not touch’ above it just to make sure his flatmates don’t eat it. 

Matteo feels less heavy, he realises as he falls asleep. He’s not hiding this secret from the people he cares about anymore, except his mother. He figures that’s something he can think about another time, though. 

The feeling of David’s hand caressing his cheek replays in his mind as he falls asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the longest thing i've ever written. I really hope you all enjoy it, because I've spent a solid week on this first chapter. I don't write very often, so i'm really not sure how well written this is, but I gave it a go. All feedback is appreciated, my tumblr is matteohflorenzi, let me know what you think there! :)


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